Darlings,
Newly twenty-six, it seemed like a very appropriate time to put this into words. Many of you are aware that this last weekend was a big weekend. I made my first 3 tiered, roughly 75 serving cake! For perspective, it was equivalent to 9 dozen cupcakes! Alas, 
it was successful. There were obviously little details that only I saw, and know to learn from. None the less, a lovely wedding. Huge thank you to each and every one of you who had a hand in getting me through it all. My Mac & Dan rescue me yet again, another cake, another year.
Having said that, I want to make it very clear right now that I am not in business. Dramabakes is not taking on business or requests. I wasn’t clear before. I straddled this line of “kind of doing business, kind of on pause.” It won’t be forever, but until I give the word that I’m back, I am definitely out of business. I appreciate and thank you all so much for being so interested and supportive of me and my passion and my baking, but to be completely transparent… I‘m stuck. As much as I don’t want to admit that publicly, I’m so very… stuck.
See, sometime in 2015, I went on a journey, took a little detour, and I ran into a few troubles. I’ve tried to fix it, but keep getting further from home. I’ve been allowing others to believe that I don’t need help. But instead, I hit this fog, and I’m in it. I’ve been lost in this fog for so long that I’m starting to become comfortable with it. Rather than looking for my way out of it to return, I’m kind of sitting there as if I’ve already been defeated.
In regards to my love, it’s not about business, money, or getting my name out there. I’ve said this time and time again, that I want to work on myself, and find myself. To which people keep telling me that ‘you’ll spend the rest of your life discovering who you are’, and I do believe that to an extent. But I also know that I lost parts of a woman I used to be a year ago, and I want her back. I feel a fading connection with my love, and I want that back as well. So, that means I am DONE with business and getting back to focusing on my relationship with my passion and myself.
Someone incredibly important and dear to me reminded me today that I have amazing abilities, and strong will. That I stand up for myself when I feel it’s warranted. I’ve lost positive light. I have an open and caring heart, and I used to dust myself off whenever an issue happened. I could realign. I was once in touch with flexing my muscles, picking myself up and trying. If they told me to believe in myself, I would try.
A little bit of surprise came over me. That used to be a part of me, and I can’t find that same person. Instead, I’ve been pretending to be her. I’ve been more critical of my passion than ever before, I’ve lost so much will to fight these days, when something goes wrong, it’s like my world’s falling apart.
I had this unrealistic expectation that the fog would clear after the stresses of June were over, and in actuality, it didn’t fix anything. I was down, thinking I’d be up, but I’m down. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve tried. I’ve been trying, and trying but I’ve also been defeated, and giving up, and giving up.
I needed this eye opener. I’m not going to be defeated anymore. I’m not going to give up, I’m going to fight for that part of me again. I’m not going to try and fill voids, and pretend that everything is getting better. I’m going to admit and accept that I’m lost in a fog and I’m trying to find my way.
I’m coming home.
yours truly,
c.
The Draft Blogger 